Wednesday, May 27, 2009

blast: forgetting

i keep running away from you but your memories still lingers ..ur the very air that i breathe.. i wana hide and be away from you but its killing me.. i wont admit it..hate to say it..but while you were so busy with her i am so hurt mending my broken heart..

i tried so damn hard to give my heart to others but it keeps coming back to you..tried so hard to smile and act as if you're nothing but i cant fight the tears in my eyes..

who am i fooling? i wanted you back in my arms but time is tearing you away from me..

it seems evry opportunity is against us..every damn chance is fading away..

i got it..i have to accept defeat and no matter how much it hurts..ill let you go..

and go on pretending im okay..even if im not..

laugh so you wont see me cry..

never look back so you wont notice im still waiting for you..

im gonna die..but ill die never admitting this to you..

im gonna take this hurt to the grave..with the love that i have for you..

Monday, May 4, 2009

once upon a LOVE


i have witnessed a tremendous love story in this blog..a story of two people who crossed the line just to show the love they have for each other.from the unique way of meeting to the unforgettable getaways..either with their fellow barkadas or just the two of them..
i've been inspired..ive been awed by the acceptance and the magic of what love can make us believe in..
yet suddenly i saw that romance shattered right before my very own eyes.. how can it be? how can this possibly be?that two people in love can just drop it all and leave it just like that..
i am feeling their pain..anger and disappointment..coz like them i have high hopes for that relationship..
i learned how to hold on when things are getting tough..learned to accept the unacceptable... learned to close my eyes to avoid seeing the imperfections.. learned to bend my will to meet that of my love one.. and most importantly learned to love but not overbearing it..
i am not meddling in your affairs guys..but think of the possibility of a second chance..
think of your what if's and could have been's..
its better to let go when you know you've given your best shot just to make it work..than to let go because you easily gave up on each other..
i have learned to love beacuse of's time to remember the love that you have for each other than forever dwell in pain just because you've hurt one another..
once upon a love..i hope it will end up well..

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

lashed out:

i have never felt this happy,,never felt this complete..this feeling is so right..i knew..i felt..
i couldnt ask for more..
but life simply isnt about hapiness,,when it gives you something that will make you happy it surely will give you something equally depressing..
just by single action.
just by a series of words
all came tumbling down
you didnt do anything wrong but the people around me tried to comfort me with your words but it only added frustrations on me..
what could have happenned?have i done something wrong??
i am getting tired of all these.
im trying to be strong for you but i cant even be strong for my self..
i love you
and i want to make it all right..
but ther's so many hindrances
i am sorry
i am so ashamed of you
i hope that you will always understand
cause for now i myself will never understand this..
i only want to be happy..
with you..for you..

Thursday, April 23, 2009

i.e. roses on my window pane

i look back,,that uneasy feeling came back ten fold.. i was with you..we're shouting and screaming at each other .you we're saying words i can barely take..we were together for so long yet as i look at you i see a stranger..a monster right before my very own eyes
you hurt me with the deepest pain one could inflict on me and worst you wounded me and left me with scars that will always remind me of the mistake i've committed:loving you..
i woke still haunted by that day i was suppose to enjoy..i ended up being brutally harrassed by you..those scornful eyes,,that wicked laugh..i can still feel your arms on my body as you try to hurt me with your fist..
oh what a way to be treated..even at this point i feel hatred just by thinking of those moments..
yet,,even with those scars i can finally say "who's the loser?"
you're still on that state where you haven't move on yet..and here i am enjoying the fredom you've denied me of for so long..
being in the arms of a MAN not a BOY..
being protected and love by someone who's mature enough to handle respect and just love me..
i found that person who's sacrificing all that he is,,just to complete the me that you've shattered
but you,,you're still that sour loser that you are..
unhappy,,not contented and still reeling over your loss..
you lost me..PERMANENTLY!
and this time there's no coming back
i might say thank you for all those pains,,i learned to let you go and just stopped loving you
i pity you..
i'll be at your funeral

Monday, April 20, 2009

the TRUTH:

John 3:16-17

"for God so love the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him,,shall not persih but have everlasting life..
for God sent not His son into the world to condemn the world but that the world through him might be save.."

_hope all people will always remember and recognize the divine power that give us all what we have..all of this is not ours to keep,,but ours to give...

Friday, April 17, 2009

six years after:the aftermath

"marming bagay sa mundo na kahit kelan di mo na maibabalik,,mga nasayng na luha..mga panahong lumipas,,mga salitang nasabi..pero minsan nagpapasalamt na din ako"

freshman ako nuon,,panibangong mundo kaya excited ako..unang tapak ko pa lang sa luob ng eskuwelahan nkipgkaibigan na ako sa mga tao,,kala nila nga datihan na ako sa school n un,,and di nila alam parehas nila bagong salta din lang ako dun..

sa pagdaan ng araw,,nakaktwag din ako ng positibong pansin sa mga tao.. sa mg propesor at sa mga kaklase ko..nakadagdag pa sa pangalang nakilakilala ang mga aktibidades na sinasalihan ko..kahit kadalasan e saling pusa ako..hekhek..

bukod sa mga kblock ko,,karamihan sa barkada ko ay mga taga engineering dept..dahil ung pinsan ko at ung bf niya ay parehong eng'g students..kadalasan twing vacant ko andun ako sa kanila..natuto akong magburaot,,mamintas at magsalita ng maingay dahil sa knila..

siguro dahil nakakangarag ang paggwa ng plates gabi gabi kaya sila nagkaganun.. =) ganun pa man natuto akong maging taong bundok dahil sa kanila..

in short,,mas lalong kumapal ang mukha ko dahil sa mga taong alien na to..

at dahil sa pagkaburaot ko ay napasukan ko ang isang relasyong di ko dapat pinasok..

kblock: pansin namin di mo xa type
ako: naguusap lng kami pag nagdedebate kami
kblock: campus figure,,binabalewala mo??!!!
ako: (-_-)
kblock: 5thousand maging bf mo siya sa luob ng isang linggo,,
pag talo ka amin ang 5 thou m,,pag panalo ka iyo 5thou namin
ako: call!

isang araw na walang kalse,,pumasok ako sa knya,,isinilid ko pa ang aking mga kamya sa suot na jacket di dahil sa lamig ng lugar kundi dahil sa nerbyos..

pwede ba kita maging bf for one week? you see this is a matter of my ego being trampled by those egoistic fools we call classmates! i blurted out,,he was shocked at first..speechless.."hati tau s 5thou gusto m? " un ang nasabi ko dahil sa kawalan ng idadagdag..then he regained his composure and laugh so hard..i was about to walk away when he stood up and put his arms around me.."forget the money''i'll be your bf" at dun nagumpisa ang reyna na singilin ng 5thousand ang mga mahaderang alipin..

for one week i lived the life..we were a campus cant it be when ive got a famous,,intelligent fpor a bf..almost all girls envy me..

but then,,young as i was i broke up with him..with the thought that its all just a game.. never thought that he'd fall in love ..

foolishly i still stood up by my decision,,i watched him stalked me,,cry,,and even beg for a second chance but i never looked back..

there was even a time that id sleep over on some of my friends house because he was outside my aprtment the whole night!

i never look back since then..i went on with my life,,enjoyed every single moment and forgot all about the man id hurt ..

six years after,,he commented on a message i posted on my fs account..he never mentioned his name,,but something triggered my memory of him..

i knew it was him..suddenly the communication was open..he found a way to contact me..and long before he was bombarding with the why's he never had the chance to ask me 6 years ago,,but 6years after i still dont want to answer those questions..

simply because i dont want to answer them..cause for me its not healthy anymore to dig into whats been buried a long time ago..

he never moved on,,now with a wife and a son,,he still didnt get over all those stuffs..

for you,,my friend..

live your life.. and bury your past..we can never bring it back specially now that we already have our separate lives to live..
ill always love the man you are to me..but that's all there is i can offer..goodbye..

Monday, April 13, 2009

stillness of the night =)

after an all-night-long argument i decided to continue on with the planned vacation on there house..not because i wanted to see him but because i cant say no to his family..after all this was planned 2weeks before holy week so it's kinda embarassing to back out at the last minute..
told him im doing this for his family,,he said it sokay so long as i'll go there..and he'd show me how repentant he was for the mistake he committed..disillussioned, i didnt comment on that..

april 9,2009
early in the morning he's already texting me if im already on my way to Lingayen,,but im still in La Union..went to Mangaldan and fetched me in my place..he is actually repentant..the look in his face and the way he holds me shows just how much..yet im still unconvinced..while travelling i decided to just put it at rest and just enjoy the moment with his family.. we arrived there before lunch and his nephew did this exhibitions to impress me..not only was i impressed i fell in love with the kid and because of him i forgot the animoisty im feeling towards his Kuya Raymund..

ienjoyed my four day stay there including watching sinakulo,,the bakbak as what they call it,,and just those moments where i just eat,,eat and talk with his family evem
n when he's not my last day i get to meet all of his relatives in his mother's side of the family in Mapandan..ii enjoyed every moment of it..

but what i enjoy the most??its the moments we spent together..just the two of us.. at night when all the excitement has died down and its time to hit the sack we just lay there..hugging and talking and laughing even playing..hehe
those we're the moments i know our bond has become tighter and stronger ..

i know i love him and he loves me..come hell and high water.. =)

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

wahh,,im stressed out!!!!!!!

wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! pagod na ako! wish i could have a better workload next time!!
cant wait for holyweek,,let's go to sagada!!! its just 5hours fr baguio,,care for a joyride anyone???

Monday, March 30, 2009

OLD POSTS: la lang minsan masarap balikan ang nakaraan

unlike my sister..there were no rose to keep me petals to make me feel good whenever i look at it..all i have is myself..wallowing in pain..sitting in darkness.. i wanna lat you go..i can..i know..but within hours that i've decided..i always turn back and beg you to take me has always been like that..

i am so sick of all that you're saying that i just wanna trun away and leave..yet miles from you i cannot breath..the love that i have for you is the very thing that's killing me..

the woman i am to the woman i hated the most..i became the worst me ever since you came into my i blaming you? no,,all that i am to you is because of all the stupid decisions i mado for you..did you ever apprciated it all..all i ever got are words that scars even my innermost soul..

i have loved you so much..but you have loved me so're idea of love is never what i dreamed about..i have been loved many times..i hurt lots of them..but they never resorted this low just to get even with me..

maybe this is my own personal private hell..this is where i put myself..i hope from this day forth..the wounds you've inflicted..the scars you've caused..will forever be erased from my mind..memories,,moments .. i hope i can also forget "YOU"

agony of it ALL

we had it all set..had it all ironed out,,then this woman came from nowhere and started blurting out things,,at first i was confused,,hurt and utterly disappointed..

i got mad and hurled back hurtfull words that would compensate to the pain i felt,,i lashed it all to him..

humbly and meekly he asked for a second chance ,, a chance to prove that time and time again,,its me whom he will choose..

and no matter what those fleet of wannabees will forever be just toys..

i am so mad,,right there and then i ended up everything between us,,

with a heavy heart ..i know this would all come to an end.

but then he came,,all the way from lingayen where he also worked.tired,,in pain and so worried about me.he barge in like someone who's life depended on me.. hugged me and kissed me..

i knew he chose me..

never again will i listen to someone else's voice cause at the end of the day it all depends on the love and trust we have for each other..

he never gave me up..why should i??

nakakaiyak naman DAW??!

nakakatuwang isipin bumaba n nga ang pamasahe e ganun pa din ang singil ng mga linsiyak na drayber na yan..di naman sa nilalahat ko pero talagng nakakapanginig ng laman ang mga garapal na drayber sa langsangan..
pilit kang pauupuin sa espasyong batang sanggol lang ata ang kasya tz tatadtarin ka pa ng singil..
nak ng pating..panu nga ba aasenso ang pilipinas kung mismong mga pilipino ang nanlalamang s kapwa nila pilipino??
taz nagagalit tau kung may pintas stin ang ibang lahi??haler??!!kelan pa naging kapuri puri ang mga ganitong klaseng asal..
mismong pilipinas itatakwil ka sa ginagawa mo! sa konting bagay lang tulad ng pagsingil sa pamasahe nakikita na kung anung klaseng "gubat" ang pilipinas at kung anung klaseng mga "hayop" ang nasa pilipinas..
nagrereklamo tau sa kahirapan ng buhay gayong tayo mismu ang gmgwa ng maling sistema ng bansang tinatawag nating atin..PILIPINAS,,GUMISING KA!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

THE FRAY: you found me

natatawa ako dahil ang taong pinagaalayan ko ng blog na to ay ni hindi alam na may blog ako..nakakatawang isipin na sa lahat na naisulat..isinulat at isusulat ko pa ay mananatiling isang liham na kailanman ay di makakarating sa kanya..kumbaga lahat ng to ay "return to sender" hekehek

sa lagay na to ako pa lang ang nakakabasa ng mga gawa ko wish ko nga sana may maligaw din at basahin ang mga gawa ko..hindi ito gawa ng eksperto..hindi din to gawa ng isang taong major sa filipino or english..madaming grammatical errors at madami kang mapupuna pero sinu ba stin ang walang mali?ang mahalaga nasusu;at ko ang mga bagay na gusto kong sabihin..

mas malamang sa hindi tatawa ka..panu isa akong taong puno na kagalakan..bakit?dahil may isang raymund na nagpapagaan sa mga pasakit ng buhay ko.. iiyak ako pero patatawanin niya ako.. problemado ako pero yayakapin niya kung pakiramdam ko ay nagiisa na lang ako hahawakan niya ang kamay ko para iparamdam na lagi siya andiyan..

lagi ba kami magksama?? hindi rin.. paminsan minsan nga lang kami magkasama e..madalang..minsan ilang oras lang..dahil parehong abala sa trabaho..

pero di un naging hadlang para di namin mahalin ang isat kanya ko natutunan di naman sa dalas ng pagkikita nasusukat kung tunay nga ang pagmamahal..minsan kahit gaanu kayo kadalas magkita o magkasama kung wala p-agmamahal wala ring mangyayari..

naranasan ko ng mgmahal ng ilang beses,,masaktan,,umasa,,madapa at bumangon ulit..

pero si raymund? tinuruan niya akong mahalin ang sarili ko ng higit pa sa pagmamahal na gusto niyang ibigay ko sa kanya..di siya naging madamot..hinyaan niya ako madevelop ang sarili ko bilang tao..

di niya ako hinayaang nasasaktan na lang at nakadapa,,tinuruan nya akong bumangon at kung panu wag n madapa ulit..

oo alam ko di perpekto ang pag ibig..araw araw kami magaaway,,magkakasikatan,,magbabati pero alam ko na di na ako kasing rupok ng dati dahil binigyan niya ako ng lakas..

at kahit di niya to nababasa okay lang..di ito para sa kanya..para to sa lahat ng babaeng ngmamahal..

may bago na akong motto sa buhay:"ngmamahal ka para maging masaya at mamahalin ka para sumaya ka"

sana lahat madevelop yan

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

madami akong kakilala na kahit naksama ko na 23 years na existence ko sa mundo ay di ko talaga kilala..mas madalas sa hindi ay misteryo ang kani kanilang pagkatao.. dun ko naisip hindi taon ang batayan o pamantayn para makilala mo ang isang tao..

ako? mas marami akong nakikilala batay sa gawa mga naisulat mga karanasan kung tulad ko magtytyaga ka ding magbasa ng kani knilang mga kuwento e maiintindihan mo kung bakit niya ginagwa ang kanyang gingaw..

minsan mas kakilala ko pa ang estranghero binabasa ko ang kanyang akda.kesa sa taong sa araw araw ay kasama ko.. sa pagsusulat kasi lumalabas ang tunay na ikaw.. sa pagbabasa nalalaman mo ang tunay n siya..

kasi di madaling kilalanin ang taong ayaw magpakilala.kahit libong taon mo na siya kasama kung talagang di mo siya nagets e wala ka talagang nga ni bob ong ang gawa ng sinumang nagsusulat ay ang mismong pagkatao niya.. wala kang pwedeng itago..wala ka pwede ilihim sa magbabasa dahil sa ayaw mo man at s gusto..makikilala nila kung sinu ka talaga

hindi basta talent lang ang pagsusulat..eto ay isang pagkatao,,isang kapangyarihang kaya mong ipakilala ang sarili mo ng di mo na kelangang isigaw ang pangalan mo..

palagay ko mas masarap makakilala ng estranghero..dahil di ka nila huhusgahan base sa pinag aralan itsura mo o sa yaman mo..

dahil ang tanging iintindihin nila ay ang mga bagay na magbubukas ng pang unawa nila bilang tao..

PANAGBENGA:the making

5 a.m. victory liner...

we agreed to meet at the terminal of victory liner in dagupan,,me,liane,faith and mund.. the four of us is going to baguio.. the three of us arrived on time except for liane..grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

at around 830am,,we could already see the pine trees,the fresh scent of the wind that soothes and relaxes..and of course the never ending view of walking people going to the town.. y? traffic jam!

9 a.m. gov pack road,jollibee

as we were waiting for my dad(hindi si raymund ha!si dadi kong tunay!) we went to jollibbe to fill our empty stomach with food..its a brunch..

10 am..11am..12pm..

the hours went by,,still no sign of my father,,i have called him thousand times and still got the same answer.."papunta na ako jan,anak.." for the last 3 hours i wondered where did he came from pa? siguro sa malaca√Ďang pa..

welcome to ambiong centro...

i asked my dad to bring us to ambiong,,it's where we will stay during ou trip to baguio..the lady we talked to said it's only a 15min drive to the town,,but after 15min of never ending zigzags..i've doubted the woman's words,,ambiong central is in the midst of baguio itself..

but when we saw the place we were satisfied with it..and paid the woman who fetch us right away,,we went back to the city..

lexber heights..

we decided togo there,,sa mga di pa nakakaalam un po ang bahay namin sa baguio,,it is in camp 7 near petersville..dun kami kumain ng lunch and rested,,yl my father went again to that meeting of his..

the mysterious kissing woman..

while we were having our siesta,,i saw ate faith nibbling her lips,,thn started moving it,,then to my amzement saw her closed eyes and acting as if she's kissing someone!mund saw it,,cnt help himself and laugh..we all burst out laughing..air kissing..

the end..


we wnt back to the city,,goof around sm..and went to burnham..there's this so called live band creating noises on the stage but we never understood a thing..we were busy ""tsismising.."

we decided to go back sa ambiong centro na lang..sleep and just go to the city na lang the next day...we both some food and calledmy dad..minutes later we're on our way back to sa di maipaliwang na pagkakataon,,i realized something.wag mo na tanungin wat ginawa ko,,basta i therfore conclude that amunyi munying evolved!!! aw!aw! na siya now.. period..


woke up to find teh faith sitting on the floor on our bedroom door..kala ko tuloy xa si the grudge muntikan na ako atakihin..

after fixing our stuff,,went back to the city to watch the float parade and ended up watching thousands of people ..anddami cute!!!!!!!!!pramis!hekhek,,pis aswak!!

went to easter college with iena,,we met up with her then called dad so we can go to the strawberry farm..along the way we made fun of faith..and guiltily because of excitement..we forgot she's with us,,nakulong po xa sa loob ng kotse ng tatay ko..sorry ate..hekhek..

nagpicture taking lang po kami,,bulili ng strawberry,,pero ang pinaka touching dun ung pic namin nina iena and mund,,wher my sister is pointing at mund as if proud to have him as part of the family,,i am glad he's goung well with my fam..


puro kalokohan po ang sinabi ng tatay ko kay mund,,pulos bilin na di naman nananakal kundi ngapapalala,,biro mo sabihing pa niya kay mund n....(censored)...

he even introduced raynund as my bf to his b.i.r. friend.. called him his son,,called him as "kuya mo" saying to iena..and called him (ehem!) future son-in-law..

at the end i realized,,ba't parang mas mahal n ng tatay ko si mund??!!!

aftr strwberry farm,,went around trinidad and stop to a breath taking place wher we saw south china sea,,especially when we saw lingayen gulf connected to it..what a wonderful view..i bet not so may people knew this..(sekretong malufit kung san to!di ko say nuh!)

to make the long story short si liane lang nakauwi ng hapong un,,kami ay naiwan at natulog pa sa lexber,,

2:30 am

we're on our way sa terminal..pauwi na kami..

hug my father goodbye,,antd told him ilove him..ilove him..

this is both fun,,exciting and some thing worth remembering.. i wont forget the kissing lady,,aw!aw! and of course the warmth that unexplainable emotion i had,,just watching my love one with my love ones..saw him reached out,saw him stand by my side with his arms around me even if my family's around..he loves me..=)

he made me feel so proud..and so loved..

until now,,im still in euphoria with what had jusy happened..cant wait for the next!

Monday, March 23, 2009

si ako ay si KRYSTLE

di ako adik sa pc,,sa internet o sa websites.. nagkataon lang na masugid akong tagasubaybay ni bob ong..kung panu nangyari un e ikukuwento ko sa inyo..

nung panahong wala pa maxadong magawa sa school e may nagbigay sa akin ng isang libro na kakulay ng kulangot na matigas (green) ..manipis lang ito ni hindi ko nagets ung taytol nung una..
kelangan mo palang bumalik sa grade one para mabasa ito..ABNKKBSNPLAk0..yan po ang mahiwagang pamagat ng librong ito

at dahil nga po ay inyong abang lingkod ay mahilig magbasa..e nag absent ako sa math on investment para mapagtuunan ng oras ang nasabing libro..istorbo kasi ang klase pag may gusto kang gawin e..hehe

ngpunta ako sa isang lugar na hinding hindi ako makikita ng prof kong mas matanda pa ata sa eskuwelahan,,pag nakita ako ay lagot akong tiyak at baka pagsulatin ako ng "i promise to attend math of investment evryday" ng 100 tayms e ngtago ako.. sa sulok na bahagi ng bldg..

sa kasamaang palad e nakita ako ng barkada kong mas autistic pa sakin.."anu yan ha?anu yan" ang tanong ng makulit na bata.."libro di mo ba nakikita??" and aking sagot.."pahiram!" brattttt!!!
at napunit ang mahiwagang libro...

"anu ka ba naman?!"ang aking kasamaang palad e nginitian lang ako ng pobreng nilalang na malapit ko ng ihulog sa bldg at lumayong parang walang nangyari..nagkaron ng selective magpahanggang ngayon sa twing magkikita kami ay tila limot na niya ang karumal dumal na krimeng ginawa niya..

so ayun,,para malayo sa kamay ng masasang damo este mga kaklase,kabarkada,instructor at dean ang nasabing libro ay itinago ko na pansamantalang kinalimutan ang libro..

sa wakas after 2days e nakauwi na din ako..2days kasi halos di na ako umuwi sa paggwa ng thesis..nagkikita na lang kami ng parents ko sa mol..sabay bigay na din ng baon sila ay magdidinner date na dalawa habang ako ay parang kawawang kuting na iwinala ng batang wlang magawa sa buhay..

pagdating sa bahay e tinanung pa ako ng"san ka galing na bata ka?!" huh? duh!ang tangi kong nasagot!ako ay bangag pa nung mga panahong un!

pagdating sa kuarto ay natulog ako ng bonggang sa sobrang pagkatulog ay nakagat pa ng ipis ang aking mata..awts!peste! at nilabas ko n ang mahiwagang libro,,ang librong kakulay
ng kulangot mo..hehe

binasa ko ung teaser sa likod(tama ba?teaser ba ang tawag dun?) at saka ko sinimulan ang nakakatawa,,nakakalungkot,,nakakaengganyong buhay ng may akda..

at naisip ko,,lahat tayo ay pare parehong pinagdaanan ang mga bagay na pinagdaanan nga lang iba iba tayo ng reaksyon sa mga bagay n yun..

may iba napapariwara,,may iba lumalaban at may iba e uupo na lang sa isang sulok at magpapatulo laway para exempted sa explanation bat niya ginwa ang bagay na un..

sa bandang huli tayo rin ang sasagot sa mga sarili nating bandang huli buhay din natin ang maapektuhan sa mga desisyong gingwa natin,,mahilig lang nating isisi sa iba ang mga kamalian natin.

ngayon,,3 na sa kanyang mga libro ang meron ako.. ginayuma ba niya ako?marahil oo..ginayuma niya akong gumwa ng website para marinig din ng iba ang boses ko..sabi nga niya tutubuan ka ng konsensya n dati ay wala ka..

tama siya,,tinubuan ako ng konsensiya,,pati hair(ang haba n ng hair ko!)