six years after:the aftermath

"marming bagay sa mundo na kahit kelan di mo na maibabalik,,mga nasayng na luha..mga panahong lumipas,,mga salitang nasabi..pero minsan nagpapasalamt na din ako"

freshman ako nuon,,panibangong mundo kaya excited ako..unang tapak ko pa lang sa luob ng eskuwelahan nkipgkaibigan na ako sa mga tao,,kala nila nga datihan na ako sa school n un,,and di nila alam parehas nila bagong salta din lang ako dun..

sa pagdaan ng araw,,nakaktwag din ako ng positibong pansin sa mga tao.. sa mg propesor at sa mga kaklase ko..nakadagdag pa sa pangalang nakilakilala ang mga aktibidades na sinasalihan ko..kahit kadalasan e saling pusa ako..hekhek..

bukod sa mga kblock ko,,karamihan sa barkada ko ay mga taga engineering dept..dahil ung pinsan ko at ung bf niya ay parehong eng'g students..kadalasan twing vacant ko andun ako sa kanila..natuto akong magburaot,,mamintas at magsalita ng maingay dahil sa knila..

siguro dahil nakakangarag ang paggwa ng plates gabi gabi kaya sila nagkaganun.. =) ganun pa man natuto akong maging taong bundok dahil sa kanila..

in short,,mas lalong kumapal ang mukha ko dahil sa mga taong alien na to..

at dahil sa pagkaburaot ko ay napasukan ko ang isang relasyong di ko dapat pinasok..

kblock: pansin namin di mo xa type
ako: naguusap lng kami pag nagdedebate kami
kblock: campus figure,,binabalewala mo??!!!
ako: (-_-)
kblock: 5thousand maging bf mo siya sa luob ng isang linggo,,
pag talo ka amin ang 5 thou m,,pag panalo ka iyo 5thou namin
ako: call!

isang araw na walang kalse,,pumasok ako sa knya,,isinilid ko pa ang aking mga kamya sa suot na jacket di dahil sa lamig ng lugar kundi dahil sa nerbyos..

pwede ba kita maging bf for one week? you see this is a matter of my ego being trampled by those egoistic fools we call classmates! i blurted out,,he was shocked at first..speechless.."hati tau s 5thou gusto m? " un ang nasabi ko dahil sa kawalan ng idadagdag..then he regained his composure and laugh so hard..i was about to walk away when he stood up and put his arms around me.."forget the money''i'll be your bf" at dun nagumpisa ang reyna na singilin ng 5thousand ang mga mahaderang alipin..

for one week i lived the life..we were a campus figure..how cant it be when ive got a famous,,intelligent fpor a bf..almost all girls envy me..

but then,,young as i was i broke up with him..with the thought that its all just a game.. never thought that he'd fall in love ..

foolishly i still stood up by my decision,,i watched him stalked me,,cry,,and even beg for a second chance but i never looked back..

there was even a time that id sleep over on some of my friends house because he was outside my aprtment the whole night!

i never look back since then..i went on with my life,,enjoyed every single moment and forgot all about the man id hurt ..

six years after,,he commented on a message i posted on my fs account..he never mentioned his name,,but something triggered my memory of him..

i knew it was him..suddenly the communication was open..he found a way to contact me..and long before he was bombarding with the why's he never had the chance to ask me 6 years ago,,but 6years after i still dont want to answer those questions..

simply because i dont want to answer them..cause for me its not healthy anymore to dig into whats been buried a long time ago..

he never moved on,,now with a wife and a son,,he still didnt get over all those stuffs..

for you,,my friend..


live your life.. and bury your past..we can never bring it back specially now that we already have our separate lives to live..
ill always love the man you are to me..but that's all there is i can offer..goodbye..

stillness of the night =)

april8,2009
after an all-night-long argument i decided to continue on with the planned vacation on there house..not because i wanted to see him but because i cant say no to his family..after all this was planned 2weeks before holy week so it's kinda embarassing to back out at the last minute..
told him im doing this for his family,,he said it sokay so long as i'll go there..and he'd show me how repentant he was for the mistake he committed..disillussioned, i didnt comment on that..

april 9,2009
early in the morning he's already texting me if im already on my way to Lingayen,,but im still in La Union..went to Mangaldan and fetched me in my place..he is actually repentant..the look in his face and the way he holds me shows just how much..yet im still unconvinced..while travelling i decided to just put it at rest and just enjoy the moment with his family.. we arrived there before lunch and his nephew did this exhibitions to impress me..not only was i impressed i fell in love with the kid and because of him i forgot the animoisty im feeling towards his Kuya Raymund..

ienjoyed my four day stay there including watching sinakulo,,the bakbak as what they call it,,and just those moments where i just eat,,eat and talk with his family evem
n when he's not around..at my last day i get to meet all of his relatives in his mother's side of the family in Mapandan..ii enjoyed every moment of it..

but what i enjoy the most??its the moments we spent together..just the two of us.. at night when all the excitement has died down and its time to hit the sack we just lay there..hugging and talking and laughing even playing..hehe
those we're the moments i know our bond has become tighter and stronger ..

i know i love him and he loves me..come hell and high water.. =)

wahh,,im stressed out!!!!!!!

wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! pagod na ako! wish i could have a better workload next time!!
cant wait for holyweek,,let's go to sagada!!! its just 5hours fr baguio,,care for a joyride anyone???

OLD POSTS: la lang minsan masarap balikan ang nakaraan

unlike my sister..there were no rose to keep me company..no petals to make me feel good whenever i look at it..all i have is myself..wallowing in pain..sitting in darkness.. i wanna lat you go..i can..i know..but within hours that i've decided..i always turn back and beg you to take me again..it has always been like that..

i am so sick of all that you're saying that i just wanna trun away and leave..yet miles from you i cannot breath..the love that i have for you is the very thing that's killing me..

the woman i am to you..is the woman i hated the most..i became the worst me ever since you came into my life..am i blaming you? no,,all that i am to you is because of all the stupid decisions i mado for you..did you ever apprciated it all..all i ever got are words that scars even my innermost soul..

i have loved you so much..but you have loved me so less..you're idea of love is never what i dreamed about..i have been loved many times..i hurt lots of them..but they never resorted this low just to get even with me..

maybe this is my own personal karma..my private hell..this is where i put myself..i hope from this day forth..the wounds you've inflicted..the scars you've caused..will forever be erased from my mind..memories,,moments .. i hope i can also forget "YOU"

agony of it ALL

we had it all set..had it all ironed out,,then this woman came from nowhere and started blurting out things,,at first i was confused,,hurt and utterly disappointed..

i got mad and hurled back hurtfull words that would compensate to the pain i felt,,i lashed it all to him..

humbly and meekly he asked for a second chance ,, a chance to prove that time and time again,,its me whom he will choose..

and no matter what those fleet of wannabees will forever be just toys..

i am so mad,,right there and then i ended up everything between us,,

with a heavy heart ..i know this would all come to an end.

but then he came,,all the way from lingayen where he also worked.tired,,in pain and so worried about me.he barge in like someone who's life depended on me.. hugged me and kissed me..

i knew he chose me..

never again will i listen to someone else's voice cause at the end of the day it all depends on the love and trust we have for each other..

he never gave me up..why should i??

nakakaiyak naman DAW??!

nakakatuwang isipin bumaba n nga ang pamasahe e ganun pa din ang singil ng mga linsiyak na drayber na yan..di naman sa nilalahat ko pero talagng nakakapanginig ng laman ang mga garapal na drayber sa langsangan..
pilit kang pauupuin sa espasyong batang sanggol lang ata ang kasya tz tatadtarin ka pa ng singil..
nak ng pating..panu nga ba aasenso ang pilipinas kung mismong mga pilipino ang nanlalamang s kapwa nila pilipino??
taz nagagalit tau kung may pintas stin ang ibang lahi??haler??!!kelan pa naging kapuri puri ang mga ganitong klaseng asal..
mismong pilipinas itatakwil ka sa ginagawa mo! sa konting bagay lang tulad ng pagsingil sa pamasahe nakikita na kung anung klaseng "gubat" ang pilipinas at kung anung klaseng mga "hayop" ang nasa pilipinas..
nagrereklamo tau sa kahirapan ng buhay gayong tayo mismu ang gmgwa ng maling sistema ng bansang tinatawag nating atin..PILIPINAS,,GUMISING KA!

THE FRAY: you found me

natatawa ako dahil ang taong pinagaalayan ko ng blog na to ay ni hindi alam na may blog ako..nakakatawang isipin na sa lahat na naisulat..isinulat at isusulat ko pa ay mananatiling isang liham na kailanman ay di makakarating sa kanya..kumbaga lahat ng to ay "return to sender" hekehek

sa lagay na to ako pa lang ang nakakabasa ng mga gawa ko wish ko nga sana may maligaw din at basahin ang mga gawa ko..hindi ito gawa ng eksperto..hindi din to gawa ng isang taong major sa filipino or english..madaming grammatical errors at madami kang mapupuna pero sinu ba stin ang walang mali?ang mahalaga nasusu;at ko ang mga bagay na gusto kong sabihin..

mas malamang sa hindi tatawa ka..panu isa akong taong puno na kagalakan..bakit?dahil may isang raymund na nagpapagaan sa mga pasakit ng buhay ko.. iiyak ako pero patatawanin niya ako.. problemado ako pero yayakapin niya ako..at kung pakiramdam ko ay nagiisa na lang ako hahawakan niya ang kamay ko para iparamdam na lagi siya andiyan..

lagi ba kami magksama?? hindi rin.. paminsan minsan nga lang kami magkasama e..madalang..minsan ilang oras lang..dahil parehong abala sa trabaho..

pero di un naging hadlang para di namin mahalin ang isat isa..sa kanya ko natutunan di naman sa dalas ng pagkikita nasusukat kung tunay nga ang pagmamahal..minsan kahit gaanu kayo kadalas magkita o magkasama kung wala p-agmamahal wala ring mangyayari..

naranasan ko ng mgmahal ng ilang beses,,masaktan,,umasa,,madapa at bumangon ulit..

pero si raymund? tinuruan niya akong mahalin ang sarili ko ng higit pa sa pagmamahal na gusto niyang ibigay ko sa kanya..di siya naging madamot..hinyaan niya ako madevelop ang sarili ko bilang tao..

di niya ako hinayaang nasasaktan na lang at nakadapa,,tinuruan nya akong bumangon at kung panu wag n madapa ulit..

oo alam ko di perpekto ang pag ibig..araw araw kami magaaway,,magkakasikatan,,magbabati pero alam ko na di na ako kasing rupok ng dati dahil binigyan niya ako ng lakas..

at kahit di niya to nababasa okay lang..di ito para sa kanya..para to sa lahat ng babaeng ngmamahal..

may bago na akong motto sa buhay:"ngmamahal ka para maging masaya at mamahalin ka para sumaya ka"

sana lahat madevelop yan