the man i thought you were...

you were sweet,,you were funny you were witty..that night i thanked my lucky stars that they paved a way for us to talked..the hot breeze of summer turned into the cold whisperings of the dawn yet we continued talking..unaware of time..unaware of everything else..
you were always there.
then one day something changed..
you became aloof,indiffirent and always full of excuses
i have never been hurt too much..
i tried to fix it..always reminding u of how i feel..but that very core im trying to reach seemed to shut me away forever..
i knew,,i felt yet i continued loving you..
i noticed and i cried.that was all that i can do
now?
i dont feel anything anymore except this big hole inside my heart..
im tired..but my heart continues beating only for you
i gave up but my mind is still wating for that second chance..
i felt the tears sting my eyes once again yet they wouldn't fall
even my tears seems to be tired of falling..
ive waited for you..yet u never felt my presence..
i have love you with a love beyond telling,,missed with a grief beyond all tears..

blast: forgetting

i keep running away from you but your memories still lingers ..ur the very air that i breathe.. i wana hide and be away from you but its killing me.. i wont admit it..hate to say it..but while you were so busy with her i am so hurt mending my broken heart..

i tried so damn hard to give my heart to others but it keeps coming back to you..tried so hard to smile and act as if you're nothing but i cant fight the tears in my eyes..

who am i fooling? i wanted you back in my arms but time is tearing you away from me..

it seems evry opportunity is against us..every damn chance is fading away..

i got it..i have to accept defeat and no matter how much it hurts..ill let you go..

and go on pretending im okay..even if im not..

laugh so you wont see me cry..

never look back so you wont notice im still waiting for you..

im gonna die..but ill die never admitting this to you..

im gonna take this hurt to the grave..with the love that i have for you..

once upon a LOVE

ULAN AND LUKAYO

i have witnessed a tremendous love story in this blog..a story of two people who crossed the line just to show the love they have for each other.from the unique way of meeting to the unforgettable getaways..either with their fellow barkadas or just the two of them..
i've been inspired..ive been awed by the acceptance and the magic of what love can make us believe in..
yet suddenly i saw that romance shattered right before my very own eyes.. how can it be? how can this possibly be?that two people in love can just drop it all and leave it just like that..
i am feeling their pain..anger and disappointment..coz like them i have high hopes for that relationship..
i learned how to hold on when things are getting tough..learned to accept the unacceptable... learned to close my eyes to avoid seeing the imperfections.. learned to bend my will to meet that of my love one.. and most importantly learned to love but not overbearing it..
i am not meddling in your affairs guys..but think of the possibility of a second chance..
think of your what if's and could have been's..
its better to let go when you know you've given your best shot just to make it work..than to let go because you easily gave up on each other..
i have learned to love beacuse of you..it's time to remember the love that you have for each other than forever dwell in pain just because you've hurt one another..
once upon a love..i hope it will end up well..

lashed out:

i have never felt this happy,,never felt this complete..this feeling is so right..i knew..i felt..
i couldnt ask for more..
but life simply isnt about hapiness,,when it gives you something that will make you happy it surely will give you something equally depressing..
just by single action.
just by a series of words
all came tumbling down
you didnt do anything wrong but the people around me did..you tried to comfort me with your words but it only added frustrations on me..
what could have happenned?have i done something wrong??
i am getting tired of all these.
im trying to be strong for you but i cant even be strong for my self..
i love you
and i want to make it all right..
but ther's so many hindrances
i am sorry
i am so ashamed of you
i hope that you will always understand
cause for now i myself will never understand this..
i only want to be happy..
with you..for you..

i.e. roses on my window pane

i look back,,that uneasy feeling came back ten fold.. i was with you..we're shouting and screaming at each other .you we're saying words i can barely take..we were together for so long yet as i look at you i see a stranger..a monster right before my very own eyes
you hurt me with the deepest pain one could inflict on me and worst you wounded me and left me with scars that will always remind me of the mistake i've committed:loving you..
i woke up..im still haunted by that day i was suppose to enjoy..i ended up being brutally harrassed by you..those scornful eyes,,that wicked laugh..i can still feel your arms on my body as you try to hurt me with your fist..
oh what a way to be treated..even at this point i feel hatred just by thinking of those moments..
yet,,even with those scars i can finally say "who's the loser?"
you're still on that state where you haven't move on yet..and here i am enjoying the fredom you've denied me of for so long..
being in the arms of a MAN not a BOY..
being protected and love by someone who's mature enough to handle respect and just love me..
i found that person who's sacrificing all that he is,,just to complete the me that you've shattered
but you,,you're still that sour loser that you are..
unhappy,,not contented and still reeling over your loss..
you lost me..PERMANENTLY!
and this time there's no coming back
i might say thank you for all those pains,,i learned to let you go and just stopped loving you
i pity you..
i'll be at your funeral

the TRUTH:

John 3:16-17

"for God so love the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him,,shall not persih but have everlasting life..
for God sent not His son into the world to condemn the world but that the world through him might be save.."

_hope all people will always remember and recognize the divine power that give us all what we have..all of this is not ours to keep,,but ours to give...

six years after:the aftermath

"marming bagay sa mundo na kahit kelan di mo na maibabalik,,mga nasayng na luha..mga panahong lumipas,,mga salitang nasabi..pero minsan nagpapasalamt na din ako"

freshman ako nuon,,panibangong mundo kaya excited ako..unang tapak ko pa lang sa luob ng eskuwelahan nkipgkaibigan na ako sa mga tao,,kala nila nga datihan na ako sa school n un,,and di nila alam parehas nila bagong salta din lang ako dun..

sa pagdaan ng araw,,nakaktwag din ako ng positibong pansin sa mga tao.. sa mg propesor at sa mga kaklase ko..nakadagdag pa sa pangalang nakilakilala ang mga aktibidades na sinasalihan ko..kahit kadalasan e saling pusa ako..hekhek..

bukod sa mga kblock ko,,karamihan sa barkada ko ay mga taga engineering dept..dahil ung pinsan ko at ung bf niya ay parehong eng'g students..kadalasan twing vacant ko andun ako sa kanila..natuto akong magburaot,,mamintas at magsalita ng maingay dahil sa knila..

siguro dahil nakakangarag ang paggwa ng plates gabi gabi kaya sila nagkaganun.. =) ganun pa man natuto akong maging taong bundok dahil sa kanila..

in short,,mas lalong kumapal ang mukha ko dahil sa mga taong alien na to..

at dahil sa pagkaburaot ko ay napasukan ko ang isang relasyong di ko dapat pinasok..

kblock: pansin namin di mo xa type
ako: naguusap lng kami pag nagdedebate kami
kblock: campus figure,,binabalewala mo??!!!
ako: (-_-)
kblock: 5thousand maging bf mo siya sa luob ng isang linggo,,
pag talo ka amin ang 5 thou m,,pag panalo ka iyo 5thou namin
ako: call!

isang araw na walang kalse,,pumasok ako sa knya,,isinilid ko pa ang aking mga kamya sa suot na jacket di dahil sa lamig ng lugar kundi dahil sa nerbyos..

pwede ba kita maging bf for one week? you see this is a matter of my ego being trampled by those egoistic fools we call classmates! i blurted out,,he was shocked at first..speechless.."hati tau s 5thou gusto m? " un ang nasabi ko dahil sa kawalan ng idadagdag..then he regained his composure and laugh so hard..i was about to walk away when he stood up and put his arms around me.."forget the money''i'll be your bf" at dun nagumpisa ang reyna na singilin ng 5thousand ang mga mahaderang alipin..

for one week i lived the life..we were a campus figure..how cant it be when ive got a famous,,intelligent fpor a bf..almost all girls envy me..

but then,,young as i was i broke up with him..with the thought that its all just a game.. never thought that he'd fall in love ..

foolishly i still stood up by my decision,,i watched him stalked me,,cry,,and even beg for a second chance but i never looked back..

there was even a time that id sleep over on some of my friends house because he was outside my aprtment the whole night!

i never look back since then..i went on with my life,,enjoyed every single moment and forgot all about the man id hurt ..

six years after,,he commented on a message i posted on my fs account..he never mentioned his name,,but something triggered my memory of him..

i knew it was him..suddenly the communication was open..he found a way to contact me..and long before he was bombarding with the why's he never had the chance to ask me 6 years ago,,but 6years after i still dont want to answer those questions..

simply because i dont want to answer them..cause for me its not healthy anymore to dig into whats been buried a long time ago..

he never moved on,,now with a wife and a son,,he still didnt get over all those stuffs..

for you,,my friend..


live your life.. and bury your past..we can never bring it back specially now that we already have our separate lives to live..
ill always love the man you are to me..but that's all there is i can offer..goodbye..